PARAMOUR

I don't know what to think anymore

Never been in this place before

Locked somewhere between perfect balance

And disharmony

I don't want to fight anymore

Never had this kind of free before

Stuck somewhere between love

And apathy

Filled with elation

Filled to starvation

Struck by sensations

That bother me

Got what I thought I needed

And while I don't feel defeated

It feels like the end

Of who I used to be

I'm not a clean slate

Just wiped clean

Don't know what to want anymore

Forgot what I was hoping for

Gained it all and lost it all

In the same evening

I am experiencing the aftermath

And the outcome

Of some other guy's heart

Stood strong and worked hard

Played his role

And did his part

Waited Patiently

Former future now averted

Inadvertently

And I really don't know

What that means to me

So completely pulled together

But in puzzled pieces

Simultaneously

Watch it all just drive away

Like I'm a side note

Or a cliff note

In someone else's play

Now it's time the writer writes

Himself into another life

For it's only anathema

In the center if this maze

Miscreant never fits

Into their world but I'm remiss

In doing anything unselfish anymore

As long as I try to be

What they might expect of me

I'll never be the one worth fighting for

Just the safe,

Reliable

Paramour